It’s been eight months. Eight long, tedious months of watching everyone else’s life go on as you wait in your holding pattern – waiting for a job, a boyfriend, something or anything to get you out of the funk you’ve fallen into. You watch friends get engaged, family members get married, former coworkers fall in [...]
November 30, 2009
Help Wanted: Adult Babysitter
Wanted: Gatekeeper — adult babysitter, if you will. Executive caretaker required for successful, high-functioning middle manager. Hours are 8pm to bedtime (12:30-1 AM). Here’s how it works: You’d come over, do some cooking and cleaning, iron an outfit for the next day, pack my lunch. Do NOT let me leave the house under any circumstances. [...]
October 15, 2009
Top Ten Signs Your Business is Going to Fail
10. There’s someone at your desk selling extended warranties over the phone. 9. Congress is talking about making your salary illegal. 8. Your boss is calling you collect. From prison. 7. Advertising your products is now discussed in terms of “tweets.” 6. The Chinese are now outsourcing the manufacture of your product … to you. [...]
July 21, 2009
The Drinker’s Table: The Foreman Test Kitchen
In this episode of the Drinker’s Table we explore highly convenient foods cooked on the countertop grill. These are kind of foods that seemingly make themselves in your kitchen late at night, after the drinking is done. The recipes for these foods are often only discerned later, in the morning or late afternoon or early [...]
July 6, 2009
The Unemployment Diaries, Los Angeles, Part II: The Crushing Despair Kicks In
It’s now day 70 of your adventure. You just missed another 3-day weekend because you don’t see the point in celebrating another day off from a job you do not have. Plus, traffic. Last week, on your way home from hiking, you saw a gas station advertising fuel for $1.45 a gallon and almost did [...]
July 2, 2009
Eating With: The Tipsy Epicurean
Beer bonged that Bud? Hit the hooch like a hero? Chugged the Chardonnay like a champ? Wet your whistle with Whiskey? It’s time to once again make yourself something to eat! This is a classic drunk food for multiple reasons. First off, who wouldn’t love a bowl of steaming pasta with salty meats and pickled [...]
June 23, 2009
Rants in My Pants: Perez Hilton Edition
On Sunday night, somewhere in Canada, Perez Hilton got knocked the fuck out. Well, technically, he was ALLEGEDLY punched in the face by will.i.am from the Black Eyed Peas and/or possibly will’s manager and/or possibly a Black Eyed Peas fan. Secretly, I hope it was all three. And then he Twittered about it. @PerezHilton OMG [...]
June 5, 2009
Eating With: The Tipsy Epicurean
Beer bonged that Bud? Hit the hooch like a hero? Chugged the Chardonnay like a champ? Wet your whistle with Whiskey? It’s time to make yourself something to eat.
May 30, 2009
The Unemployment Diaries: Los Angeles
It’s been 31 days, which is officially a month. You have officially been out of work for a month. Yesterday, on Day 30, you had a half-assed day dream in which Morgan Spurlock showed up with video cameras and revealed that the lay-off had all been a reality experiment for F/X – put the stressed [...]
May 29, 2009
I Hate NY!
Reasons you should Stay There instead of Failing Here. 1) The Summer There’s a reason half of New York leaves during the July and August swelter period, it’s mostly because the city is a reeking pile of urine-baked concrete for the entire summer season. And don’t forget the permanently summering drunken frat boy pee and [...]
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